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Handsome Men of History- The H.M.H

  • Em
  • Sep 25, 2019
  • 3 min read

We hear a lot about various beautiful women throughout history. Cleopatra, Nefertiti, Helen of Troy and Marie Antoinette, just to name a few babes off the top of my head. So why is it that we don’t hear about the most handsome men in history? Let's explore this a bit. With the exception of a few trail blazing women (example: Elizabeth I or Joan of Arc)a woman’s purpose was to be womanly, beautiful, motherly and refined. So, when a woman excelled at these traits, that is what they were praised/remembered for. Men, on the other hand, were a different story. They had no need to be handsome, they had different expectations of them in society. Men were most often remembered for other personality traits or achievements. Let me list some examples.


Cruelty: Vlad the Impaler, Roman Emperor Nero.

Military Abilities: Napoleon, Gaius Julius Caesar.

Sexual Prowess: Giacomo Casanova, Rasputin.

Thinking/Logic: Aristotle, Plato.

Science: Einstein, Galileo.

Art: Leonardo DaVinci, Michelangelo.

Being a Big Weirdo: Henry VIII, (I mean, I’m sorry your highness, but the wives, the mysterious illnesses, the exploding corpse… straight up weirdo).


As I sit down to write this the mature thing to do would be to take a feminist stand and write a blog post about all the wonderful things women have done through history without taking into account their physical appearance.


BUT…

I would rather just objectify some male historical hotties for the next little while. If this offends you…feel free to exit the blog and may God have mercy on your soul. If not, hang onto your underclothes ladies and gents because it’s about to get hotter than a Magic Mike show up in here.

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Bachelor Number 1 enjoys music and entertaining. He also boasts a full head of luscious locks…give it up for 19th century composer, conductor and musician JOHANNES BRAHAMS!



Bachelor Number 2 enjoys axes, travelling to Newfoundland before any other European explorer and pillaging. With a jawline that could chip rock and a body that just won’t quit…Say hello to LEIF ERIKSON!




Bachelor Number 3 is really something special. We have a 3 for 1 one special for you! These three gentlemen have swagger for days. If the uniforms weren’t enough, this perfectly poised cigar photo will have you surrendering to these civil war heartthrobs!




Bachelor Number 4 come on down… This bachelor worked tirelessly for the abolitionist cause. He became a statesman and an excellent writer and orator all after escaping the perils of slavery. Take a look at his smolder... This is FREDERICK DOUGLASS !




Last and somewhat least is Bachelor Number 5. This bachelor was a handsome young man before he became a bat-shit crazy dictator and all-around bad dude. We can appreciate his ability to take a solid photo, but nothing else. Here is a young JOSEPH STALIN!





I would like to include an honorable mention. I want everyone to look at this next bachelor’s eyes… Even in black and white photos his eyes pop like he is an anime character. No matter what picture you look up of this man, regardless of his age, his eyes still hold the same powerful ability to draw you in. May I present to you. THOMAS “Stonewall” JACKSON.




Here is a colourized picture… Hello Jude Law doppelganger! Don’t everyone thank me at once…you’re welcome ladies.




I hope this has been a purely educational experience for many of you. I think it was about time these sexy sons of the past got some attention that was based solely on my superficial biases. Once again, you are welcome.


History has never been more attractive.


Em

 
 
 

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